Friday Dancebot: JRock

These posts will typically be reserved for Fridays, but since it is a holiday weekend, many people might not be at work tomorrow. So, here you go, enjoy the vid.

This human is a master of disguise. He might be able to help us topple the future robot oppression.

Michael Jackson: Former Pro-bot extremist

(Note: The video's poster gets a little text crazy at 1:59 if you are offended by four-letter words and 80s cartoon theme songs)

The King of Pop's affinity for robotkind was revealed to a great extent in this oh-so-symbolic clip from his 1988 film Moonwalker. Jackson was clearly obsessed with cultural icons adored by other grown-up children (Pirates with Peter Pan, zombies/monsters with Thriller, but still looking for ninja references), however his fascination with robots was clearly the most dangerous—for the rest of us.

MJ once considered building a giant robot of himself, probably not unlike the vision seen in the above clip, in Las Vegas, NV. Fortunately, that vision was never realized. The damage done by that beast if (when?) it were to go rogue would have been magnified by its superior weapons systems and immunity to gunfire, as illustrated in Moonwalker.

The above video also answers the question: What happened to Joe Pesci? (In all honesty, check out this link to see the movies he was in even after participating in Moonwalker. Quite impressive.)

The robot head, detailed below, was nearly auctioned off with a suggested bidding price of $2000-$3000. However, that auction had been canceled. In light of recent events, the price should skyrocket. Hopefully someone out there will be willing to pay the price to lock up this artifact. It could be deadly if it falls into the wrong hands.

This 'Transformers' Phenomenon

Hate to do it, but need to chime in on this Transformers thing that has everyone all hot and bothered to the tune of over $200 million in five days ($214m through Monday). Now I know that, as humans, we are imperfect. Chief among those imperfections is the willingness to return to movie theaters for a sequel en masse, even if it is a follow-up to an average movie. This held true with a certain pirate-based franchise in its third installment, and a couple of movies about a matrix. There are, of course, cases where a sequel is better than the first and deserves the financial gains, but those instances are rare at best.

So imagine my dismay with humankind when a ROBOT-based movie nearly shattered box office records. The prospect of watching robots murder each other is very tempting, but worse than pandering to the robot sympathizers (now dubbed pro-bots), those who flocked to the theaters have helped keep this man in business! You should be ashamed!

Hump Day Hero: Magnus, Robot Fighter

It is easy—particularly on a Wednesday—to be overwhelmed by the reality that our species is willingly paving the way for robotic domination. But there is hope. Every Hump Day, Die Robots! will share the story of a hero in the battle against Robotkind.

For the inaugural Hump Day Hero, there is no better person to celebrate than Magnus, Robot Fighter. The story is set in the year 4000, when mankind has become dependent upon robots. Of course, the world depicted in the tales of Magnus is approaching at a much quicker pace, but the initial authors (released in early 60s) were relatively unaware of the speed at which technology develops.

As with all mythologies (particularly future mythologies), some details are skewed and change with different publishers, but the core remains the same. Magnus, raised by a robot that knew how much robots suck, is expert at keeping order and annihilating his foes—with his bare hands. Furthermore, Magnus, not to be confused with living legend Magnus ver Magnusson, does his work dressed like a Brooklyn scenester, complete with galoshes.

So on this Wednesday, let us consider the man who stood (will stand?) on the front lines of the future war and never hesitated to deliver crippling blows to the necks of these foul, spindly-limbed automatons.

The new threat to your grandparents!

The abomination above is the University of Bristol's Chewing Robot, a robot designed to replicate the complex human chewing motion so scientists can study the effects of wear and tear on different materials used to restore missing teeth. This contraption makes it first public appearance (God forbid anything goes awry) at the Royal Society Summer Exhibition in London.

Sure, it is easy to say that one should not criticize our friends across the pond for developing technology that might actually help their notoriously comedic dental issues (it's call a tooth brush-use daily!). However, this chewing robot is clearly designed to replace those members of society who can pretty much do nothing else but chew—the elderly.

Look familiar?

Watch your seat.

Sorry, is this a joke? This robot not only proves what a waste of valuable human time they can be, but how dangerous they are.

Should people really be spending resources developing a chair that falls apart and fixes itself? How much did you spend on that? If you made a chair out of wood, there is a good chance that it wouldn't randomly crumble beneath you.

And this invention now presents us with the horrifying possibility that, at any given time, you are sitting on a robot chair designed to break your neck.

The Self Check Out

This is, far and away, the most annoying machine ever devised. Sure, it might not qualify as a robot, but it is just as dangerous and cruel as one.

1. This machine is taking the job of a human being, no matter how trivial/unwanted that job may appear. People pay for college or keep the lights on by standing there and scanning your goods.

2. The companies that employ these beasts are passing the work on to you.

3. There is always a problem with the scanner or something else.

4. There is still a human assigned to handle four or more of these machines at a time. They are on standby and instead of having to deal with one person's issues, they now have there workload multiplied by four.

So, not only do these twisted bots not simplify the lives of the consumer and lessen the quality of life for those out of work, they make another person's life exponentially more complicated. What to do? Stop using them, wait in line the extra 3-4 minutes and help a person keep their job.