Know your enemy! Sentinels (Marvel Universe)

About: These robots make multiple appearances in the Marvel Comics universe, most often in the X-men series. Now, I do not profess to be an expert in the countless story lines they have been apart of, but I can tell you this: these robots are not good. They are most often used to hunt down mutants.

How to spot them: They are three stories tall and ultra-destructive. They can also fly.

When you might encounter them: If you or a loved one can shoot laser beams out of your face, you should expect a visit.

How to avoid them: Unless you have a severe genetic mutation that can be used your advantage, you shouldn't ever see one of these. But, you should also make sure not to join any organization where you might be involved in any top secret super-soldier experiments. Also, stay away from science experiments or radiation-based mutations.

Reasons to despise them: They are the symbols of intolerance. Also, they play the role of the generic villain in X-men lore, but their price tag and size prohibited many children from amassing a true legion for their heroes to fight.

Monday Survival Tip: Water

What good would this blog truly be without providing you with tips for protection against robots? Today's tip is about water. Most modern robots, except the underwater-type robots, are dependent upon electricity. They also have all sorts of delicate stuff inside, not unlike your laptop or desktop computer. Now, as this incredibly lame video can attest to, modern electronic devises can survive water. But, if nothing else, it should be able to buy you some time. Best case scenario, you melt the robot's fake-brain.

If you are in a situation where underwater robots are after you, well... you got yourself into that mess, I can't help you out.

I have made an instruction video on what to do when a land robot is chasing you. It is clearly helpful to have an above-ground pool. View the "video" here. Put it on Fast Forward. Yo.

Monday Morning Happy Hour

Robot bartenders. There are quite a few prototypes out there. Die Robots! will submit a battle between these atrocities and their human counterparts in celebration of Happy Hour Mondays. Because if any day needs a happy hour, it's Monday.

Try not to be enticed by the sweet soundtrack, this robot is out to get you. Sure, I could go on the old "taking a fleshies job" rant, but really, this thing is slow! I could drink 'em faster than it is pouring/opening them, and I was never in a frat.

This guy actually pours it out, and can walk up and down stairs. Do that, Machine.

Sunday, July 5th.

Too tired to post. Tons of content tomorrow. Need to clean apartment and don't have a roomba.

Happy Fourth

In honor of Independence Day, Die Robots! has selected a couple of YouTube clips. The first is of the 2010 Ford Mustang assembly line. As you can see in the video, it is very human friendly, and the car is near the end of the production line (This is a Ford approved clip, notice they chose not to show the engine being built or the frame being spot-welded).



The second video is longer, but kind of interesting when you have some time. It is footage of a Spanish Renault plant. Watch as robots assemble a car:



This is a shorter version of robotic production, and this is the image we want you to remember:



So as you celebrate the results of a previous revolution, keep in mind the one that is still taking place.

Japan: Top robot threat?

Japan has unleashed a life-size Gundam robot. It existence has spawned the poll available on the right. Now while Japan is clearly making rapid strides in robotics, the United States has been just as active. Since we are not sure who the primary threat is, we are sending the question your way. On one hand, the U.S. seems focused on robots that are clearly lethal for military purposes. Japan always seems to be unveiling robotic toilets. Does something more sinister lurk behind these 'entertaining' bots of theirs?

Below is a video of the 'bot in action.

Movie Madness

Watch the trailer for Surrogates, one of many films that is/will be based on a graphic novel. It seems like Hollywood has become very comfortable taking advantage of these pre-story boarded writings. This one by Rob Venditti, a survivor of the Florida State University System, is focused on a future where humans can live life through robotic puppets. However, as I am sure you imagined, things go horribly wrong.

What exactly? Well, you can read the comic or drop $12 when it hits the theaters (or watch the trailer... it is pretty much all there). All we know for sure is that Bruce Willis plays the hero, apparently modeled after your Uncle Billy. Spanking new teaser poster is from comingsoon.net. Oddly enough, this isn't the most awkward look Willis has sported of late. (some parts are NSFW)

Heads up sent my way from reader Tenaka Khan. Thanks!

Friday Dancebot: JRock

These posts will typically be reserved for Fridays, but since it is a holiday weekend, many people might not be at work tomorrow. So, here you go, enjoy the vid.

This human is a master of disguise. He might be able to help us topple the future robot oppression.

Michael Jackson: Former Pro-bot extremist

(Note: The video's poster gets a little text crazy at 1:59 if you are offended by four-letter words and 80s cartoon theme songs)

The King of Pop's affinity for robotkind was revealed to a great extent in this oh-so-symbolic clip from his 1988 film Moonwalker. Jackson was clearly obsessed with cultural icons adored by other grown-up children (Pirates with Peter Pan, zombies/monsters with Thriller, but still looking for ninja references), however his fascination with robots was clearly the most dangerous—for the rest of us.

MJ once considered building a giant robot of himself, probably not unlike the vision seen in the above clip, in Las Vegas, NV. Fortunately, that vision was never realized. The damage done by that beast if (when?) it were to go rogue would have been magnified by its superior weapons systems and immunity to gunfire, as illustrated in Moonwalker.

The above video also answers the question: What happened to Joe Pesci? (In all honesty, check out this link to see the movies he was in even after participating in Moonwalker. Quite impressive.)

The robot head, detailed below, was nearly auctioned off with a suggested bidding price of $2000-$3000. However, that auction had been canceled. In light of recent events, the price should skyrocket. Hopefully someone out there will be willing to pay the price to lock up this artifact. It could be deadly if it falls into the wrong hands.

This 'Transformers' Phenomenon

Hate to do it, but need to chime in on this Transformers thing that has everyone all hot and bothered to the tune of over $200 million in five days ($214m through Monday). Now I know that, as humans, we are imperfect. Chief among those imperfections is the willingness to return to movie theaters for a sequel en masse, even if it is a follow-up to an average movie. This held true with a certain pirate-based franchise in its third installment, and a couple of movies about a matrix. There are, of course, cases where a sequel is better than the first and deserves the financial gains, but those instances are rare at best.

So imagine my dismay with humankind when a ROBOT-based movie nearly shattered box office records. The prospect of watching robots murder each other is very tempting, but worse than pandering to the robot sympathizers (now dubbed pro-bots), those who flocked to the theaters have helped keep this man in business! You should be ashamed!

Hump Day Hero: Magnus, Robot Fighter

It is easy—particularly on a Wednesday—to be overwhelmed by the reality that our species is willingly paving the way for robotic domination. But there is hope. Every Hump Day, Die Robots! will share the story of a hero in the battle against Robotkind.

For the inaugural Hump Day Hero, there is no better person to celebrate than Magnus, Robot Fighter. The story is set in the year 4000, when mankind has become dependent upon robots. Of course, the world depicted in the tales of Magnus is approaching at a much quicker pace, but the initial authors (released in early 60s) were relatively unaware of the speed at which technology develops.

As with all mythologies (particularly future mythologies), some details are skewed and change with different publishers, but the core remains the same. Magnus, raised by a robot that knew how much robots suck, is expert at keeping order and annihilating his foes—with his bare hands. Furthermore, Magnus, not to be confused with living legend Magnus ver Magnusson, does his work dressed like a Brooklyn scenester, complete with galoshes.

So on this Wednesday, let us consider the man who stood (will stand?) on the front lines of the future war and never hesitated to deliver crippling blows to the necks of these foul, spindly-limbed automatons.

The new threat to your grandparents!

The abomination above is the University of Bristol's Chewing Robot, a robot designed to replicate the complex human chewing motion so scientists can study the effects of wear and tear on different materials used to restore missing teeth. This contraption makes it first public appearance (God forbid anything goes awry) at the Royal Society Summer Exhibition in London.

Sure, it is easy to say that one should not criticize our friends across the pond for developing technology that might actually help their notoriously comedic dental issues (it's call a tooth brush-use daily!). However, this chewing robot is clearly designed to replace those members of society who can pretty much do nothing else but chew—the elderly.

Look familiar?

Watch your seat.

Sorry, is this a joke? This robot not only proves what a waste of valuable human time they can be, but how dangerous they are.

Should people really be spending resources developing a chair that falls apart and fixes itself? How much did you spend on that? If you made a chair out of wood, there is a good chance that it wouldn't randomly crumble beneath you.

And this invention now presents us with the horrifying possibility that, at any given time, you are sitting on a robot chair designed to break your neck.

The Self Check Out

This is, far and away, the most annoying machine ever devised. Sure, it might not qualify as a robot, but it is just as dangerous and cruel as one.

1. This machine is taking the job of a human being, no matter how trivial/unwanted that job may appear. People pay for college or keep the lights on by standing there and scanning your goods.

2. The companies that employ these beasts are passing the work on to you.

3. There is always a problem with the scanner or something else.

4. There is still a human assigned to handle four or more of these machines at a time. They are on standby and instead of having to deal with one person's issues, they now have there workload multiplied by four.

So, not only do these twisted bots not simplify the lives of the consumer and lessen the quality of life for those out of work, they make another person's life exponentially more complicated. What to do? Stop using them, wait in line the extra 3-4 minutes and help a person keep their job.

Slightly Topical: Robot Sympathizers

Why on earth would you want to align yourself with the greatest threat to humankind?

Kid robots.

Hate to break the news to you, emotional robot but the same bad luck happens to surrogate and adopted kids. You get no sympathy from me.

Robots

I'm sick of robots taking over the world. These are the most threatening. Well, not the one in this image, it's just a replica of a robot.